What the heck is up with Cloudfare these past few days
RAMWolff
Posts: 10,224
in The Commons
Good LORD I've spent more time refreshing pages and just giving up trying to post here with Cloudfare constantly misstepping. Why DAZ chose this company to run their company through I will never ever understand. I don't have this issue ANYWHERE else.
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Comments
Believe it or not but it's not Cloadflare, it's the forum servers/software that's the problem, and it has been for several months at least.
WOW, it's really frustrating. Thanks for setting me straight on that. I think it's time to change forum software then if it's this buggy!
It's Daz's host servers. It's annoying as hell. Happens EVERY SINGLE DAY here.
A good part of the time when visiting I have to give up and refresh the page but sometimes that just leads to a full on mess so I come back a little later. MESSY
Yep, been happening for months. I usually browse through all of the HiveWire forums while waiting for these pages to load.
Months?! This goes on for years. It is just very bad at the moment.
Ironically, this was the only discussion today that crashed to the Cloudflare error page. They're just messing with us now lol
LOL
Jack Tomalin's comment;
https://www.daz3d.com/forums/discussion/comment/7640226/#Comment_7640226
The primary reason is the servers are powered by one poor little, somewhat physically challenged hamster...
(Forgive my for reprinting this, as by now many have heard the tale...)
THE TRUE STORY OF BERT THE SERVER HAMSTER
Perhaps some of you have never heard of the Server Hamster...
Poor little Bert was never the fastest hamster, nor was Bert the smartest hamster, but Bert had something other hamsters at Hamster Depot didn't...
Bert had three extra toes on his left foot and a really weird looking patch of missing fur in the shape Guatemala on his back... But that's not what made Bert different... it wasn't even his strange odor or his spontaneous narcolepsy whenever he heard loud noises...
Bert had heart.
Well, technically 3/4 of a functional heart, but Burt had spunk and determination which nothing, not even his chronic flatulence or his lazy, much larger right eye could interfere with.
From the moment he was eaten by his mother and subsequently spit out, he was determined to become the best hamster ever... to show everyone that by underestimating or trying to eat him, they were wrong and one day they'd wished they had gotten to know him or had treated him better.
Bert was dead set on being adopted by a nice school teacher who would make him the class pet and that he'd teach all the little children about the true meaning of determination and courage... and that generations of little children would grow up to be better people for having known Bert.
But no matter how much Bert tried, he was never adopted... not even by the evil mad scientist who wanted hamsters to experiment on.
Bert was heartbroken, but he persevered.
Every time someone came by his Hamsterarium, he'd run on the exercise wheel as fast as he could... usually he'd fall off or get his head jammed in between the bars, but he sure did put on a show... yet always after he'd wake up from one of his narcolepsy episodes he'd inevitably experience while putting on a show, it was the other more handsome or less drippy hamsters with no missing fur in the shape of any Central American nation that were chosen.
Bert was always rejected.
But he never stopped trying.
Then one day one of the hamster wranglers that worked at Hamster Depot was passing by and spotted Burt... he bent down and looked right at him!
"This is it!!" thought Bert... "Someone called in an order for a spunky hamster with courage and determination!!"... "I've got a home!!"
Bert started doing his signature hamster dance knowing it might trigger his narcolepsy, but regardless, he'd have to risk it.
The hamster wrangler shook his head and winced and started putting on some rubber gloves... "That's odd..." thought Bert.
But undeterred, he continued doing his little hamster dance so the hamster wrangler wouldn't grab the wrong hamster.
The hamsters wrangler opened the hamsterarium reached right for him and picked him up.
Bert was overjoyed!
The hamster wrangler held him up and examined him... "Ugh, what's that weird cheese smell?"
Burt blushed a bit, he was proud of his odor and no one ever complimented it before.
He held Bert up by the scruff of his neck turning him all around... "Yup... just as I thought... missing patch of fur the shape of Nicaragua, leaky orifices and uncontrollable seizures... Terminal Deranged Hamster Syndrome...
"Wait... What?" thought Bert, "that was dancing, not a seizure and it's Guatemala, not Nicaragua!..."
But it was too late... the wrangler shook poor Bert a little to see if any parts would fall off and then said "Sorry little fella, but it's the hamster compactor for you... we can't have diseased hamsters like you infecting all the other handsome hamsters"...
And with that he tossed Bert into a bucket labeled "Hamsters For Compacting".
Burt landed with a squishy thud... he lay there in abject sadness... his tiny drippy weird smelling soul crushed like a spoiled grape under the wheel of a shopping trolley in the grocery store.
He lay there for hours awaiting compaction... maybe it was better this way he thought... "Who wants a drippy, smelly hamster who keeps falling off his exercise wheel?"... "I'm probably more useful as a fine paste used in cosmetic products"... "I was a fool for thinking I'd ever amount to anything"...
The hamster wrangler came by two more times with customers looking for "adorable hamsters"... Bert heard the other hamsters being adopted and silently cried at the bottom of the compaction bucket.
The wrangler passed by one more time and looked down at Bert... "Oops, sorry... I didn't forget about you... I'll be back for you as soon as I take care of this next customer..."
Burt cried uncontrollably... he barely heard the wrangler and the customer talking over his hysterical sobs...
"Well, they told me to pick up a new hamster... the adorable ones keep dying", said the new voice... "But these ones are all too expensive... are you sure there is nothing cheaper?"
"No, that's it, those are the cheapest entry level hamsters we have... they are sold as is, no warranty or repairs... fairly disposable actually"...
Bert sobbed harder... he wasn't even "disposable quality"!
"Okay, I guess that's it... the cheap bastards won't spring for a halfway decent hamster, I guess we'll just have to use a diseased sewer rat to power our servers... it's the worst case scenario, but they are determined not to spend money on their forums, so..."
The voice paused... Bert looked up at the strange face staring down into his death bucket...
"What's going on with that one?" the voice asked.
"Oh... he's got deranged hamster syndrome... he's not for sale." said the wrangler to the customer with the strange face.
The man with the strange face replied "So does that mean he's free?"
"No, no it doesn't... but you know what... I'm busy and turning on the hamster squasher takes five minutes for it to warm up... you know what, you can have it... just get it out of here now", said the hamster wrangler.
Before Bert knew it he was snatched up and dropped into a mostly empty Starbucks matcha green tea latte cup and taken away.
After a long journey in the cup holder of a high mileage late nineties Saturn SL sedan, Bert was brought into a janky old brick building way across town and brought down into the basement into a dark room that smelled of mildew and burning electrical insulation.
The man with the strange face dumped Bert out on a table littered with old scratch-off lottery tickets and Settebello Pizzeria menus.
He took an old sweat sock and dabbed off the whipped cream and green tea from Bert’s fur and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck.
He then carried Bert over to a old machine made of yellowing beige plastic and dented up metal… on the side was a hamster wheel with a handsome looking hamster laying dead on the wheel.
The strange faced man picked up the dead hamster and unceremoniously tossed it in the recycling bin far across the room.
It landed with a muffled "thump".
“Damn, I was aiming for the trash bin”, he said… and without a proper greeting or introduction, he tossed Bert on the wheel.
“Well, you know what to do…” said the man.
Bert knew exactly what to do... he ran... he ran with all his three quarters of a functional heart, he ran as fast and as best as he could... he ran because he knew who he was... he was now the Server Hamster.
And with that Bert began his origin story as “Server Hamster".
Bert started running and hasn't stopped... aside from when he falls off the wheel or has a seizure or gets his head stuck in the bars.
But Bert has a purpose and he'll never give up... because he finally has a home and he's gonna show everyone he's the best damn hamster ever.
So now you know… the forums are wonky because they are powered by a spunky, funny smelling, drippy hamster with a patch of missing fur the shape of Guatemala, who frequently has narcoleptic episodes whenever someone slams a door or the water cooler compressor turns on, or even if someone sneezes on the third floor… the servers may freeze, they may falter and really suck because of it, but they always come back because of plucky and courageous Server Hamster… or as we know him…
Burt.
His demise has been prematurely reported many times... but he still keeps going...
Your so funny. Thank god for you! LOL
I look forward to the day when that migration is complete. I've been involved with other forums which have been through that process and it does require planning because members tend to get very upset if their posting history is suddenly consigned to the great black hole in the internet. Still, it is worth doing because this present forum software is the pits.