The I Miss the Old Days Complaint Thread
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Thank you. You've managed to demonstrate a coherently incoherent reply.
However, we don't get many eleven foot Poles around here, most of them don't get much over six foot.
Well, sans yogurt* pants and goggles, I was wielding a pole saw the other day too... and I'm probably going to have to do it again today since I didn't finish yesterday... I know I'm not imaginary though because I wasn't wearing yogurt pants... I was probably wearing some pants (probably) because my wife makes a big deal out of pantslessness, but since yogurt pants are the usual sign of being imaginary, I tend to avoid wearing them unless I'm eating yogurt and since I'm only allowed to eat Chobani yogurt and it's gotten quite expensive lately (as has all yogurt), therefore I stopped eating yogurt...
The Chobani thing is because my wife's cousin who was like a little brother to her when he was little and eventually went on to become much more like a medium size brother and is now like a full sized brother is an important muckety-muck at the company and because of that everyone here frowns on Dannon, Fage or (perish the thought) Aldi Greek yogurt... it's like there are some weird yogurt wars going on and now I can't eat my knockoff Greek yogurt from Aldi which is actually fairly decent... actually I only know the Coconut Greek Yogurt... well, also the Juicy Reptile flavor too, but I'm not a fan of that one... I'm assuming it was Juicy Reptile, because it looked like a small juicy reptile fell into the mixer... probably a Skink or an Anole, but Anoles are usually more colorful and this was a very oxidized red-brown... which was why I figured it was mislabeled... the label showed what was probably supposed to be a pomegranate (not Pomeranian), but it tasted more like juicy lizard...
There was too much controversy there, is it fruit or is it reptile... I don't need more confusion in my life, so I was like "no thanks, I'll stick to coconut..."
Coconut is my go to flavor for anything fun... I love Piña Colada too... but most people go nuts with the Piña which I'm assuming is pineapple... there is a golden ratio with that and if you overdo the pineapple you just have a Pineapple Slushy and there's no point bothering a coconut by inviting it to the mix if that's the case.
But anyway... My cousin-in-law has been neglecting bringing us yogurt and Chobani merch... as a matter of fact we've received zero merch... all we've gotten is occasional yogurt and some experimental drinks... one was so bad I wrote a Shakespearean "ode to" about it... seriously... who the hell thought carbonated lemon coffee was a good idea?... I told him I didn't care if he was a decorated veteran or not, I'm never forgiving him for that... Blegh... just mentioning it I can taste it... and this is from a person who was okay drinking the insect slurry in a pitcher plant when I took a survival course... sure it's vinegary, but nature made it for a reason... not because it was strapped for ideas and marketing was like "why not".
But I digress... running around with a chainsaw on a pole actually sounds like good exercise and probably a neat sport... like think of a marathon where everyone had a pole saw... that would be interesting... regular marathons are just boring... a bunch of really trim people running like migrating antelope over a set course to a predetermined location... BORING... there aren't even any lions to spice it up.
Throw some chainsaws-on-a-pole into the mix and you've got some real action there now... like a good NASCAR race... you know nobody watches those for the racing... that's the most boring thing on earth... it's the accidents they are there for... and the greater the chance of a wheel flying into the crowd the more exciting it is... think of a marathon where you had that same excitement, only it was a head or arm instead... that'd be wild man...
Well, I think you are definitely on to something there and should definitely keep running around with that chainsaw... I suggest you use a battery operated one, because eventually you'll yank the cord out... I've got a Ryobi, but most of the tool manufacturers have one too... the lithium batteries are pretty long lasting and you'd probably be able to get at least a mile before swapping out batteries... maybe that could be like the NASCAR pit stops or water stations in marathon...
I've already forgotten what this was initially about, so I'm gonna go and do other stuff now... cheers.
*Incidentally... I know you wrote "yoga pants" but apparently after the last OS update Apple decided lots of words aren't real anymore and spellcheck and predictive text weren't already useless enough, so they made it all way more terrible and among the many other stupid results, yoga is not an accepted or suggested word... Your - Yogurt - Yak are though... and if you spell Y-O-G- and see "yoga" show up, I assure you that even if you type in that A, unless you double check it before continuing, you'll look back and see "yogurt"... So I just gave up... they are all "yogurt pants" now... hopefully coconut.
Personally, I prefer yak pants. Yogurt pants are so messy and slimy, but yak pants are warm and fuzy. Just don't sniff them. I mean, have you ever smelled a wet yak? It's not a pleasant experience.
Unfortunately I have... not soaking wet, but snowy damp... quite musky in a not so pleasant way... but then again I'm not fond of camel scented camels either.
I haven't even smelt a camel toe
well not up close, not that flexible 
Sigh.
Two-stroke engine season has begun, and the flocks of lawnmowers, leaf-blowers, edge-trimmers, and other members of the Noisy species (Tumultuous Maximus) have already begun to descend upon the neighborhood.
Most years, it lasts until mid-November.
goats bleating would be much nicer and cutting their horn buds off when young off doesn't hurt them if done by a veterinarian
Sea salt works too and it's very quiet
I get the same thing when I have back-spasm episodes. It's like when you get a cold, and half the people tell you you need to FEED a cold, the other half tell you you need to STARVE a cold, and the third half (see what I did there?) tell you to drink lots of fluids. And that one friend tells you you need to basically start drinking hot toddies until your liver revolts and walks right out of your body!
When you are calm but people are scared of you, that's what the kids these days call "b!tchy resting face". One of my college roommates was having a pensively thoughtful moment one day as we were sitting in the cafeteria after eating and kind of trying to decide what we all wanted to be when we finally graduated in a few weeks. So a pretty girl walked by, from over my left shoulder, toward the other two roommates' right shoulders, on her way to drop off her tray of dirty dishes. After the girl walks past, the roommate sitting next to my deep-in-thought roomate turns to him and scolds him, "What the hell did you do to that girl?" This knocks him out of his deep thoughts, "What?" he responds, almost as if he had just woke up from a daydream.
That's when I said, "Well...YOU (pointing) were so deep in thought that your face kind of took on a look of deep hatred."
"What? No way! I don't even know her!"
The other roommate says, "Yeah, you can sometimes do that without realizing it. You should have seen the look on her face...I swear she saw you and shrank 4 inches in height just from the shame she got from you. And look, she went that other way to the doors. Y'know, for the first two weeks of being roommates, I thought you hated me and might kill me in my sleep. But eventually I figured out that you sometimes don't realize what your face is doing when you're thinking so hard."
I hope that pretty girl didn't end up dropping out of school or anything. But sheesh, she might have needed counseling. And my poor buddy, he had no idea!
I walked a lot today and now my legs hurt.
...probably going to have som really weird dreams tonight after reading this. Ah well at least they'll likely be entertaining.
Non-complaint
...05:27 sunrise and 20:52 sunset today here. About three hours less daylight.
A Ponderable: Why does the word "render" have so many meanings?
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/render#:~:text=Legal Definition-,render,, approval, or information: as
Non-complaint: My trip to the eye surgeon in Buffalo (60 miles) for post surgery checkup yesterday went OK. Appointment was at 10:00am. UBER got me to the appointment an hour early but didn't have to wait. The doctor saw me right away, pronounced me healing well, took away most of my eyedrop requirments, and sent me home to continue watching my eyeball fill with liquid for a few more weeks. The UBER to home, came quickly and I was home before lunch. A very expensive, but thankfully uneventful, mini-adventure.
'Nother non-complaint: My UBER driver home brought up the subject of cosmology.
That tickled my brain in just the right way, and for an hour and a half we had a good time talking about big topics. He was just discovering it but had a good grasp of it and I was able to turn him on to some of the more promising concepts and people.
they left out bagging a brick wall with cement, sand and lime
We now know the name of the DAZ hamster: Andy. The question is, what "tests" are they running on the poor thing?
And this is why I will not follow anybody. I don't "hit like" or "smash subscribe" for ANYBODY. Probably wouldn't do it even for Jesus Christ, although I would invite him over for a glass of wine and a philosophical discussion. Plus I have plenty of fish in my freezer! But in my house, everybody washes their own feet! That's where I draw the line; no feet on the furniture!
You win a brick made of baked clay. 'cause that's pretty much what's coming out the other end after you have a PBJ with that bread. Earthy!
Holy fisheyes, Batman! What did you do to your eye? And stop doing that, okay? Continued healing, good sir.
Well documented in many earlier posts for the last three weeks since 5/9/23.
TLDR: Detached retina. Unexpected emergency surgery. Needles and lasers and eyedrops, oh my!
Ohh, good Lord. Well, at least you were able to get it taken care of fast. But next time, pick a different mini-adventure, okay? There are lots of other things you can do to have an excuse to meet new people.
Oh, and I'm not here every day. If DAZ would get off its collective bum and come out with new versions of Hex and Bryce, maybe I would have a reason. But right now I'm working with pencils. Yeah... "real pencils". Sheesh, get laid off from your job and you too will become an old fogey right quick! Anyway, the forum software makes it difficult to read all posts in chronological sequence to get caught up. You always lose your place when you respond to even one post. I had over 140 posts to read up on and I probably missed 110 of them.
Because of many things, and in spite of some others, I am still very much enjoying life at about 3 months before my 70th birthday.
Ain't life grand, though?
Not really though a complaint in all that...Non-Complaint then.
The server hamster's name is Bert... Andy is an usurper gloaming off Bert's fame...
This is Burt's origin story originally published a long while back, probably when I was drunk or something... (PSA...Kids: Drinking is bad for you and only makes you more interesting and popular because you seem more fun, it has no lasting value and will make your liver explode... eventually... sure you can drink a lot and be amusing and charming and have lots of fun, but it's not real fun... and eventually you'll have to pee a lot too... and then one day your liver will explode while you are peeing and you'll have no one else to blame but your stupid flimsy liver and the guy who sold you the booze...)
Bert The Server Hamster
Clearly some of you have never heard of the Server Hamster...
Poor little Bert was never the fastest hamster, nor was Bert the smartest hamster, but Bert had something other hamsters at Hamster Depot didn't...
Bert had three extra toes on his left foot and a really weird looking patch of missing fur in the shape Guatemala on his back... But that's not what made Bert different... it wasn't even his strange odor or his spontaneous narcolepsy whenever he heard loud noises...
Bert had heart.
Well, technically 3/4 of a functional heart, but Burt had spunk and determination which nothing, not even his chronic flatulence or his lazy, much larger right eye could interfere with.
From the moment he was eaten by his mother and subsequently spit out, he was determined to become the best hamster ever... to show everyone that by underestimating or trying to eat him, they were wrong and one day they'd wished they had gotten to know him or had treated him better.
Bert was dead-set on being adopted by a nice school teacher who would make him the class pet and that he'd teach all the little children about the true meaning of determination and courage... and that generations of little children would grow up to be better people for having known Bert.
But no matter how much Bert tried, he was never adopted... not even by the evil mad scientist who wanted hamsters to experiment on.
Bert was heartbroken, but he persevered.
Every time someone came by his Hamsterarium at Hamster Depot, he'd run on the exercise wheel as fast as he could... usually he'd fall off or get his head jammed in between the bars, but he sure did put on a show... yet always after he'd wake up from one of his narcolepsy episodes he'd inevitably experience while putting on a show, it was the other more handsome or less drippy hamsters with no missing fur in the shape of any Central American nation that were chosen.
Bert was always rejected.
But he never stopped trying.
Then one day one of the hamster wranglers that worked at Hamster Depot was passing by and spotted Burt... he bent down and looked right at him! "This is it!!" thought Bert... "Someone called in an order for a spunky hamster with courage and determination!!"... "I've got a home!!"
Bert started doing his signature hamster dance knowing it might trigger his narcolepsy, but regardless, he'd have to risk it.
The hamster wrangler shook his head and winced and started putting on some rubber gloves... "That's odd..." thought Bert.
But undeterred, he continued doing his little hamster dance so the hamster wrangler wouldn't grab the wrong hamster.
The hamsters wrangler opened the hamsterarium reached right for him and picked him up.
Bert was overjoyed!
The hamster wrangler held him up and examined him... "Ugh, what's that weird cheese smell?"
Burt blushed a bit, he was proud of his odor and no one ever complimented it before.
He held Bert up by the scruff of his neck turning him all around... "Yup... just as I thought... missing patch of fur the shape of Nicaragua, leaky orifices and uncontrollable seizures... Terminal Deranged Hamster Syndrome...
"Wait... What?" thought Bert, "that was dancing, not a seizure and it's Guatemala, not Nicaragua!..."
But it was too late... the wrangler shook poor Bert a little to see if any parts would fall off and then said "Sorry little fella, but it's the hamster compactor for you... we can't have diseased hamsters like you infecting all the other handsome hamsters"...
And with that he tossed Bert into a bucket labeled "Hamsters For Compacting".
Burt landed with a squishy thud... he lay there in abject sadness... his tiny drippy weird smelling soul crushed like a spoiled grape under the wheel of a shopping trolley in the grocery store.
He lay there for hours awaiting compaction... maybe it was better this way he thought... "Who wants a drippy, smelly hamster who keeps falling off his exercise wheel?"... "I'm probably more useful as a fine paste used in cosmetic products"... "I was a fool for thinking I'd ever amount to anything"...
The hamster wrangler came by two more times with customers looking for "adorable hamsters"... Bert heard the other hamsters being adopted and silently cried at the bottom of the compaction bucket.
The wrangler passed by one more time and looked down at Bert... "Oops, sorry... I didn't forget about you... I'll be back for you as soon as I take care of this next customer..."
Burt cried uncontrollably... he barely heard the wrangler and the customer talking over his hysterical sobs...
"Well, they told me to pick up a new hamster... the adorable ones keep dying", said the new voice... "But these ones are all too expensive... are you sure there is nothing cheaper?"
"No, that's it, those are the cheapest entry level hamsters we have... they are sold as is, no warranty or repairs... fairly disposable actually"...
Bert sobbed harder... he wasn't even "disposable quality"!
"Okay, I guess that's it... the cheap bastards won't spring for a halfway decent hamster, I guess we'll just have to use a diseased sewer rat to power our servers... it's the worst case scenario, but they are determined not to spend money on their forums, so..."
The voice paused... Bert looked up at the strange face staring down into his death bucket...
"What's going on with that one?" the voice asked.
"Oh... he's got deranged hamster syndrome... he's not for sale." said the wrangler to the customer with the strange face.
The man with the strange face replied "So does that mean he's free?"
"No, no it doesn't... but you know what... I'm busy and turning on the hamster squasher takes five minutes for it to warm up... you know what, you can have it... just get it out of here now", said the hamster wrangler.
Before Bert knew it he was snatched up and dropped into a mostly empty Starbucks matcha green tea latte cup and taken away.
After a long journey in the cup holder of a high mileage late nineties Saturn SL sedan, Bert was brought into a janky old brick building way across town and brought down into the basement into a dark room that smelled of mildew and burning electrical insulation.
The man with the strange face dumped Bert out on a table littered with old scratch-off lottery tickets and Settebello Pizzeria menus.
He took an old sweat sock and dabbed off the whipped cream and green tea from Bert’s fur and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck.
He then carried Bert over to a old machine made of yellowing beige plastic and dented up metal… on the side was a hamster wheel with a handsome looking hamster laying dead on the wheel.
The strange faced man picked up the dead hamster and unceremoniously tossed it in the recycling bin far across the room.
It landed with a muffled "thump".
“Damn, I was aiming for the trash bin”, he said… and without a proper greeting or introduction, he tossed Bert on the wheel.
“Well, you know what to do…” said the man.
Bert knew exactly what to do... he ran... he ran with all his three quarters of a functional heart, he ran as fast and as best as he could... he ran because he knew who he was... he was now the Server Hamster.
And with that Bert began his origin story as “Server Hamster".
Bert started running and hasn't stopped... aside from when he falls off the wheel or has a seizure or gets his head stuck in the bars.
But Bert has a purpose and he'll never give up... because he finally has a home and he's gonna show everyone he's the best damn hamster ever.
So now you know… the forums are wonky because they are powered by a spunky, funny smelling, drippy hamster with a patch of missing fur the shape of Guatemala, who frequently has narcoleptic episodes whenever someone slams a door or the water cooler compressor turns on, or even if someone sneezes on the third floor… the servers may freeze, they may falter and really suck because of it, but they always come back because of plucky and courageous Server Hamster… or as we know him…
Burt.
Well, that's it... Bert's backstory.
I had never heard Bert's backstory. I have to admit it brought a tear to my eye, althougfh that may have been due to the smell...
I'd had it from a reliable source(a raving drunk in a back alley) that Andy was the server hampster. So my questions are: who is Andy, why is DAZ running "tests" on him, and is he trying to take over Bert's job? Inquiring minds want to know!
Very good attitude.
But watch out for ear hair jungles.
I think ear and nose hairs save all their growing for the final curtain.
Non-complaint: Laundry day. Yay a second mini-adventure within the week. Breakfast at BurgerKing, trip to the drugstore, laundry, possibly even a short visit to the big grocery store for those things that my local store doesn't carry. And my eye is now more than half way full of fluid again and things are now a little bit more in focus. And I don't get quite so many reflections from the jiggly surface of the liquid. (seasick)
'Nother non-complaint: One advantage of small town transport, is that the local 15-passenger bus, transit company serves mostly old-ish people, so they provide door to door pickup when possible without straying too far from the route. I just have to make an appointment. No-shows, are punished (chains and whips
) but I haven't taken advantage of that yet, because no-shows can only be used thrice.
Gloaming? Is this the twilight of the Hamsters, Hamsterdammerung?
Okay, okay...But you never said what happened to Mr. Pickles? But let me catch my breath first, okay? This is almost too much to absorb all at once, y'know!
Not so much the twilight as it is the Quickening. My money is still on Corky. After all, she has a house AND a car. And she knows how to drive, and always uses her turn signals and stops for pedestrians and school buses. Oh wait, she's a mouse, not a hamster. At least this much is true: There can be only one.
I am watching jeopardy. One of the questions showed a flounder like fish. A contestant said sole for what it was, but I thought flounder. Turns out I was right that it was a flounder.