The We Will Miss You, Chohole Complaint Thread

LeatherGryphon

PerttiA said:

tsroemi said:

Mark_e593e0a5 said:

If you want to go speeding, then Germany is the country to go. The maximum fee is 800€ (within a town's boundary, going more than 70 km/h above the speed limit) regardless of income. You get yor driver's license suspended for 3 Montsh if you are an EU citiocen, though.

True, it's pathetic, and I'm sure fines connected to income would sort out at least some persistent speeders. Anyways, you do collect negative points by speeding and such in Germany, and if you have too many, you'll actually loose your driving license and might not get it back before taking a psychological test.

Is that the inkblot test, where they show you lots on indecent pictures and you are expected to lie about what you see?  

Hmmm..., since the test is for assessing your mindset regarding driving, perhaps they show pictures on cards of road side objects and pedestrians and ask which ones would you'd rather hit. (Pedestrians of course, they do less damage to the car than a tree.) [And yes, I do still have my driving license, it was just renewed for another 8 years.  And this time they didn't include the "Needs eyeglasses" requirement.  Wheee... I can drive blind now.]

LeatherGryphon

Complaint:  I just examined the summary page of my finances spreadsheet to see which categories were over or under budget for the year.  Then I saw the line for total Amazon storecard payments.   Must'a been all that 'puter stuff.

Non-complaint:  All (both) my credit cards are paid off.  Wheee...  Nothing into savings this month, but the CCs are squashed.  Startin' the new year at zero again.

Sfariah D

TJohn said:

Sfariah said:

I got a used tube of toothpaste for free today!  0.o

Did it come with a used toothbrush? 

https://www.daz3d.com/used-toothpaste
nope, no toothbrush: used or unused! 

McGyver

starionwolf said:

i'm trying to decide whether to buy Mika 7 or Giselle before today's sale ends at midnight Utah time.

Ah, the old “ Two Choices” dilemma…

Many a time I have faced this… “turn left or right”, “rum or tequila”, “Off button or Self Destruct button”, “potted plant or bathroom”…

More often than not these choice must be made on the fly… and even more often, as angry villagers are chasing you with torches and various sharpened farm implements (seriously, who the hell sharpens rakes and shovels… you know they were just looking for a fight when you are in that situation)…(but I digress)…

In those moments you do not have the luxury of a fully developed choosing process and must rely on intuition… granted, the self destruct button paradox sounds pretty straightforward, but the choice is always clouded by the way the button is presented, so gaudily decorated and placed under a clear plastic cover… it’s given a forbidden quality that makes one want to explore the possibility that its actually a ploy to get you not to press it because something wonderful will happen… I don’t fall for that anymore but I’m sure you understand the allure… and probably the need for a more foolproof system of decision making.

In these aforementioned moments one must choose quickly lest the taverner turn their attention to another customer, thus requiring you to throw another stool across the room to gain their attention… and you just know that eventually you are going to hit something big and angry that’s going want to discuss this method of attention getting, thus requiring you to make more quick decisions.

Fortunately the Two Choice quandary is not as bad as the Eight Choice Conundrum or the Hipparchus’ Trigonometric Challenge Of Infinite Despair… Those situations are generally harder to arrive at a satisfactory, or less fiery conclusion.

When faced with a classic Two Choice situation not involving red buttons or angry Morthagan Assassins, I usually bust out my decision making coins and use this formula…

First take one of the coins and flip it… next remember that you have to assign a choice to a face… and make sure it’s not one of your two faced swindling coins and start over…

Take the coin and place it to the side and repeat that with the eleven other coins… (oh yeah, there are twelve coins)...

We are using a base twelve system because humans unimaginatively chose base ten, a less efficient system because of a lack a of more numerous hand digits or claws…

Take out the decision darts and place the decision dartboard on a wall you don’t mind getting holes in (assuming you’ve been drinking heavily… why else would you be taking my advice)…

Remember, the board goes on the wall not the other way around.

Since there are 121,645,100,408,832,000 possible dartboard configurations, and the standard twenty pitaticus array is too complicated, we are going to use the choice traditionally favored by alcoholics... the East-End or “Fives” board which is still popular in some areas of 21st century London, Earth… This board has fewer, larger pitaticus (to account for the mandatory alcohol intake), all inexplicably numbered either 5, 10, 15 or 20... Players play down from 505 rather than 501, and stand the farthest (9 ft to 2.7 miles) away from the board compared to any relatively "normal" variation.

The pitaitcuses “or segments” are actually the proper name for the black and white segments of a dartboard and derive their name from the Greek word pita which means “cake” or in this case alludes to a pie segment… this of course is a very controversial explanation amongst dartists due to the fact that I just made that all up, but it’s a great way to make conversation at a party or sound like you know stuff, because nobody, not even Greeks really understand ancient Greek anymore, but it sounds plausible enough to be true and thusly even tried and true Greek historians yearning to have everything attributed to ancient, mostly naked Greek philosophers will except that explanation, provided they are drunk and bored enough, so they’ll definitely agree and back you up on that, making you seem even more interesting and smart, especially if you are wearing a monocle and fake mustache.

But I digress…

The pitas (I’m sticking with that), on a Fives board are generally black and a filthy off white color (from years of pub smoke and vomit)… since in fives you generally play down from 505, we are going to avoid that and just aim for the twelve pitas from as far across the room as possible (shooting from the top of a cupboard or inside a refrigerator is acceptable to achieve maximum distance)…

The goal is to lodge each of the darts in a pita.

If you miss the dartboard or hit the cat, you must retrieve the dart from the animal and start over.

If you hit the green and red segments or “Asioita” (from the Finnish word for “things”) you must take two steps to the left and turn around twice before throwing again… I don’t know why, but it seemed like a good rule at the time… also I made up the Finnish thing too, but stick with it, you never know when someone from Finland might be lurking at a party and they pop in and back you up on that and you’ll look even smarter or a bigger liar if I remembered that wrong.

The red dot in center is called the “Taurus Rectumus” or bull’s rectum… ( yeah, I’m doing that again), not the bull’s eye as it is commonly and incorrectly referred to in modern times, it’s actually based on an ancient Roman test of manliness where gladiators would throw darts at a bull’s butt to antagonize it enough to murder them… 

If you hit the Bull-hole you have to start over.

When all twelve darts are lodged firmly in the board you must affix the coins to each dart with the “up” side facing out.

You then take the dartboard and throw it out the window and roll the twenty sided dice…

Did I forget to mention that?... There is a twenty sided dice.

Anyway…

Look out the window and count the number of darts remaining stuck in the board.

Divide that by the number on the die.

Retrieve the dartboard and throw it out the window again (trying not to fall out the window, assuming you didn’t the first time because face it, if you are following this, you are pretty lit at the moment and I’m wondering how you are even standing)… do this until you get as close to the number four then take two coins from the darts that fell off the board (assuming you can find them) and flip them once each, ignoring the result of the flip that you liked the least and that is the choice you will make.

It works every time, provided you don’t fall out the window onto the train tracks below if you live in a high rise above a busy rail yard.

I hope this helps you with your decision making, I know it’s been a very good system for me.

Otherwise always choose the most colorful button or the least prickly potted plant.

Cheers!

 

 

Also... I failed to mention that in this case, you must properly compensate for Utah time by soaking the darts in balsamic vinegar for twenty minutes before throwing them, unless its after 14:38 o'clock metric time where you are.

 

Good luck.

PerttiA

McGyver said:

If you hit the green and red segments or “Asioita” (from the Finnish word for “things”) you must take two steps to the left and turn around twice before throwing again… I don’t know why, but it seemed like a good rule at the time… also I made up the Finnish thing too, but stick with it, you never know when someone from Finland might be lurking at a party and they pop in and back you up on that and you’ll look even smarter or a bigger liar if I remembered that wrong.

I'd say you hit the bulls rectum there

McGyver

PerttiA said:

McGyver said:

If you hit the green and red segments or “Asioita” (from the Finnish word for “things”) you must take two steps to the left and turn around twice before throwing again… I don’t know why, but it seemed like a good rule at the time… also I made up the Finnish thing too, but stick with it, you never know when someone from Finland might be lurking at a party and they pop in and back you up on that and you’ll look even smarter or a bigger liar if I remembered that wrong.

I'd say you hit the bulls rectum there

Oh, right... you are from Finland... I forgot they speak Finnish there... I'm really bad with languages... I thought it was Patagonian or something... but I guess I'm wrong... wait.. are you saying I'm correct or referring to the old Finnish saying about the bull's rectum? 

PerttiA

McGyver said:

PerttiA said:

McGyver said:

If you hit the green and red segments or “Asioita” (from the Finnish word for “things”) you must take two steps to the left and turn around twice before throwing again… I don’t know why, but it seemed like a good rule at the time… also I made up the Finnish thing too, but stick with it, you never know when someone from Finland might be lurking at a party and they pop in and back you up on that and you’ll look even smarter or a bigger liar if I remembered that wrong.

I'd say you hit the bulls rectum there

Oh, right... you are from Finland... I forgot they speak Finnish there... I'm really bad with languages... I thought it was Patagonian or something... but I guess I'm wrong... wait.. are you saying I'm correct or referring to the old Finnish saying about the bull's rectum? 

How did you hear about THAT saying? 

McGyver

PerttiA said:

McGyver said:

PerttiA said:

McGyver said:

If you hit the green and red segments or “Asioita” (from the Finnish word for “things”) you must take two steps to the left and turn around twice before throwing again… I don’t know why, but it seemed like a good rule at the time… also I made up the Finnish thing too, but stick with it, you never know when someone from Finland might be lurking at a party and they pop in and back you up on that and you’ll look even smarter or a bigger liar if I remembered that wrong.

I'd say you hit the bulls rectum there

Oh, right... you are from Finland... I forgot they speak Finnish there... I'm really bad with languages... I thought it was Patagonian or something... but I guess I'm wrong... wait.. are you saying I'm correct or referring to the old Finnish saying about the bull's rectum? 

How did you hear about THAT saying? 

Honestly, I just assumed...  Even though German is totally different from the Finno-Ugric language family which also includes Estonian, Sámi and Hungarian – not to mention a number of languages spoken in the Russian Federation, like Karelian and Mari, there are certain similar sayings that often show up in Indo-European languages like German, which if my German and Hungarian relatives use of certain such sayings is any gauge of, includes lots of references to bull’s’ naughty bits… so I just assumed.

PerttiA

McGyver said:

PerttiA said:

McGyver said:

PerttiA said:

McGyver said:

If you hit the green and red segments or “Asioita” (from the Finnish word for “things”) you must take two steps to the left and turn around twice before throwing again… I don’t know why, but it seemed like a good rule at the time… also I made up the Finnish thing too, but stick with it, you never know when someone from Finland might be lurking at a party and they pop in and back you up on that and you’ll look even smarter or a bigger liar if I remembered that wrong.

I'd say you hit the bulls rectum there

Oh, right... you are from Finland... I forgot they speak Finnish there... I'm really bad with languages... I thought it was Patagonian or something... but I guess I'm wrong... wait.. are you saying I'm correct or referring to the old Finnish saying about the bull's rectum? 

How did you hear about THAT saying? 

Honestly, I just assumed...  Even though German is totally different from the Finno-Ugric language family which also includes Estonian, Sámi and Hungarian – not to mention a number of languages spoken in the Russian Federation, like Karelian and Mari, there are certain similar sayings that often show up in Indo-European languages like German, which if my German and Hungarian relatives use of certain such sayings is any gauge of, includes lots of references to bull’s’ naughty bits… so I just assumed.

Ok, we better not go into details about the saying as I'm quite certain it would be against the TOS  

frank0314

McGyver said:

PerttiA said:

McGyver said:

If you hit the green and red segments or “Asioita” (from the Finnish word for “things”) you must take two steps to the left and turn around twice before throwing again… I don’t know why, but it seemed like a good rule at the time… also I made up the Finnish thing too, but stick with it, you never know when someone from Finland might be lurking at a party and they pop in and back you up on that and you’ll look even smarter or a bigger liar if I remembered that wrong.

I'd say you hit the bulls rectum there

Oh, right... you are from Finland... I forgot they speak Finnish there... I'm really bad with languages... I thought it was Patagonian or something... but I guess I'm wrong... wait.. are you saying I'm correct or referring to the old Finnish saying about the bull's rectum? 

I speak 2 languages. English and bad English (consisting of nothing but cursing)

tsroemi

McGyver said:

PerttiA said:

McGyver said:

PerttiA said:

McGyver said:

If you hit the green and red segments or “Asioita” (from the Finnish word for “things”) you must take two steps to the left and turn around twice before throwing again… I don’t know why, but it seemed like a good rule at the time… also I made up the Finnish thing too, but stick with it, you never know when someone from Finland might be lurking at a party and they pop in and back you up on that and you’ll look even smarter or a bigger liar if I remembered that wrong.

I'd say you hit the bulls rectum there

Oh, right... you are from Finland... I forgot they speak Finnish there... I'm really bad with languages... I thought it was Patagonian or something... but I guess I'm wrong... wait.. are you saying I'm correct or referring to the old Finnish saying about the bull's rectum? 

How did you hear about THAT saying? 

Honestly, I just assumed...  Even though German is totally different from the Finno-Ugric language family which also includes Estonian, Sámi and Hungarian – not to mention a number of languages spoken in the Russian Federation, like Karelian and Mari, there are certain similar sayings that often show up in Indo-European languages like German, which if my German and Hungarian relatives use of certain such sayings is any gauge of, includes lots of references to bull’s’ naughty bits… so I just assumed.

No kidding? Bull's bits?? Sure never heard of anything like this ... Ah, maybe it's popular in Bavaria ... right, they have all kinds of funny sayings there ... as far as one understands, that is ... 

tsroemi

Complaint: @McGyver is too funny and too funny in too many words! I have to screenshot like, a hundred times to save the whole dang thing he produces to read to my unDAZzing family later on, and they get hellishly annoyed by that, and I can't help it because if I must go to bed giggling insanely, then so must they - and now my tablet is filled up with his escapades, and I ask you, where's this supposed to end??

McGyver

tsroemi said:

Complaint: @McGyver is too funny and too funny in too many words! I have to screenshot like, a hundred times to save the whole dang thing he produces to read to my unDAZzing family later on, and they get hellishly annoyed by that, and I can't help it because if I must go to bed giggling insanely, then so must they - and now my tablet is filled up with his escapades, and I ask you, where's this supposed to end??

I'm assuming in a hole covered in dirt?... maybe stuffed, but my wife wants to cremate me...
Sometimes more than others and other times I'm not sure if she's intending to wait until I've croaked. 
I probably shouldn't have bought her a flamethrower for our anniversary... she pretended she didn't like it, but the way she looked at me and then it, I knew she really wanted to use it...
Regardless, my friends have agreed to sneak into the mortuary and stuff me with fireworks the night before... mainly because my wife doesn't want me stuffed... she says that's tasteless, but since my grandfather used to have stuffed deer heads, which I assumed belonged to deers that were his friends who passed away naturally, its in my opinion that it's not that tasteless... plus I think it's very comforting to future generations that they feel I'm still there watching over them... also, probably stuffed with fireworks anyway... which I find comforting. 
My preferred method of disposal was always being stuffed with a tropical drink in one hand, and a rubber chicken or fistful of bacon in the other... wearing a really loud Hawaiian shirt with at least one parrot on it and maybe even a stuffed parrot on my shoulder... but a really fake looking one... The other option was to be blown up... which I've always felt I'd probably do accidentally anyway, but like tastefully... like at the end of the services they drive out to an open field and wheel my casket far off and then do whatever last goodbyes stuff and then BOOM! 
Only you don't tell the attendees (notice I didn't say mourners)... I really want them surprised... so they ponder the meaning of life and stuff. 
But that's where I figured it would end. 
Stuffed or shooting fire!

Also... you shouldn't read anything I write aloud, not only is it environmentally unfriendly, but it's not safe for others who might hear what you are reading and it could possibly trigger dormant insanity genes... I've seen it happen to a couple of people and at least one goat.

Its not pretty.

McGyver

frank0314 said:

McGyver said:

PerttiA said:

McGyver said:

If you hit the green and red segments or “Asioita” (from the Finnish word for “things”) you must take two steps to the left and turn around twice before throwing again… I don’t know why, but it seemed like a good rule at the time… also I made up the Finnish thing too, but stick with it, you never know when someone from Finland might be lurking at a party and they pop in and back you up on that and you’ll look even smarter or a bigger liar if I remembered that wrong.

I'd say you hit the bulls rectum there

Oh, right... you are from Finland... I forgot they speak Finnish there... I'm really bad with languages... I thought it was Patagonian or something... but I guess I'm wrong... wait.. are you saying I'm correct or referring to the old Finnish saying about the bull's rectum? 

I speak 2 languages. English and bad English (consisting of nothing but cursing)

Unfortunately, I don't even speak English, just American... mostly Queens American, but not The Queen's American, but "Queens" as in the borough of Queens in New York City... which is probably similar in some ways to Bad English, but with more far, far more cursing... Typically, for example in Bad English one might say "Hi Frank, how the hell are you?!"... whereas in Queens American, the same sentences would be said more like "Yo, Frankie you #@%!§€*=&#, how the &‰$#@]¥~§€ are you, you dirty ol' sack of $*-£#€₩₽?!"... which as you can see differs slightly in the use of the verb #@%!§€*=&#... There are many nuisances in the use of @%!§, but it's really how you pronounce the @% that defines whether you mean that with malice or friendliness.

DanaTA

Happy Birthday, Kyoto Kid!

Dana

DanaTA

Complaint: Mom passed away on Monday the 20th.   

kyoto kid

....thank you for the wll wishes. Yeah, another orbit around our central stellar primary complete. 

Sad and sorry to hear about your mum passing on. 

LeatherGryphon

DanaTA said:

Complaint: Mom passed away on Monday the 20th.   

 

Sfariah D

Happy birthday Kyoto Kid!

DanaTA

Thank you KK and LG.

Dana

Richard Haseltine

Sorry about your mother, Dana.

frank0314

DanaTA said:

Thank you KK and LG.

Dana

So very sorry for your loss Dana. Try and have a good birthday nonetheless

McGyver

Sorry about your mom Dana, that's particularly hard at this time of year... please be well.

McGyver

Happy Birthday KK!

hacsart

Sincere condolences.. 

DanaTA said:

Complaint: Mom passed away on Monday the 20th.   

hacsart

Indeed - Many HAppy Returns!

DanaTA said:

Happy Birthday, Kyoto Kid!

Dana

frank0314

Happy B-Day KK. Have a great one!

Sfariah D

 Can someone who was vaccinated still get that virus?

Charlie Judge

Sfariah said:

 Can someone who was vaccinated still get that virus?

Yes, although people who are not vaccinated are at greater risk. Also it will probably be less severe if you are vaccinated.

Charlie Judge

DanaTA said:

Complaint: Mom passed away on Monday the 20th.   

I'm really sorry about your loss.